The year is near it's end as is the decade (sort of). As such we are being inundated with lists. Lists of the best music, movies, shows, and books. Last year I wrote out several different lists of shows and music but this year I see no reason to split it up into categories. This year more than any other I felt like everything bled into one another. Music, movies, concerts, and improv shows all seemed to exist on one long continuum where they all informed each other. Let us list.
3033/Middle Age Comeback:
My Sunday nights are pretty easy the last year. I know that no matter what I am doing I end up at iO by 10:30. I could try and explain how awesome MAC's puppet show was or the night they improvised a musical that at one point tried to figure the differences in Chicagoland suburbs (I can still sing the chorus that was all about Shaumburg). Jim and Craig work harder than any other two people on stage and deliver the highest energy show in town.
3033 is just better than you. They can deconstruct the entire form and it never comes off as pretentious or trite. Each member of the team is like some kind of improv specialist. My highlight of the year has to be watching the crowd explode as Alex Fendrich walked into a show halfway through and "fixed" every single scene. Rush Howell came up with seven different theme nights at The Star of Siam. I would love to go to a place that had a "Indian, Indian, Indian" night.
Fantastic Mr. Fox
Twee to no end. But I would have to say it's the best movie I saw all year. Believe it or not it has the same plot as Avatar in a way and is a thousand times more heart felt and real. It made perfect sense that Wes Anderson made a stop motion film as his "real" movies have such a clear production design to them they almost exists in a little pocket universe that may have only existed in J.D. Salinger's mind.
Animal Collective
If I corner you at a party give me about five minutes and I will start extolling the virtues of Animal Collective. I am so fucking annoying about this band. But listen to "My Girls" wait for the base drop about three minutes in and it all makes sense. I managed to see them twice this year both in Chicago and in NYC and both times were different experiences. Each one special in its own way. They capped off the year with their EP "Fall Be Kind" and the second song on the album "What Would I Want, Sky?" feels like a summation of everything they have done before and a slight nod to the future. Also "Fireworks" may be the best song ever written.
Poor Choices and Our Extended Family
My weekends often feel longer than the rest of my entire week as of late. This is thanks to the ladies of Boner Petite', the gentleman of Gypsy Fuck Fight, and my partner in Poor Choices Matt Owens. What started out as a bitch session about not being into improv became a podcast that I fucking love. Is it lame to be a fan of your own stuff? Maybe? But I have never been more proud of something than our show. It has allowed me to meet so many amazing people and hopefully let you all know why they are so interesting.
When it started it was a goof. But I hope it has become something that lets people know how smart, interesting, and talented Chicago's improv community is. I am always inspired by people's stories about what brought them to town and continually impressed by the talent they posses. I want to thank every single guest we have had. But more importantly every single person that listens to the show. Be on the lookout for the Poor Choices Live Extravaganza and Ice Cream Social
The Poor Choices Show
Monday, December 21, 2009
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Brand New
I know this may against popular opinion but I like first dates. I prefer than significantly more than last dates. I like the idea of promise and of newness. The last week I have gotten back into the saddle. Let me break down the first date game.
1) Location - Do we go for a group event? Safety in numbers is never a bad idea. Although this can be impersonal it is often the safest play. If things go south there are enough people that can make up for any lapses in conversation. The other day I went this route and had a pretty great time. Bears game, my friends, my bar. I gave myself home field advantage (HFA). HFA is key to everything. Away games are a disaster. Always pick a location you have been to before and that is filled with friendly people that will pretend that they like you.
2) Information - This is like breaking yourself into a a greatest hits album. Only the best stories. Casually mention fun times with friends that make you sound well liked. Avoid phrases such as, lonely, netflix, or the first time I was engaged. Look, if the first date goes well you will have more than ample opportunity to lay out embarrassing stories on future dates. Make it look like you have some kind of ambition beyond finding a bar with $1 well drinks.
3) Payment- Gents should always pay the first time. Even if its a casual thing. Not in order to be a gentleman but to create a culture of indebtedness. This may back fire on you. Six months later you could find yourself paying for everything. This will slowly fester over time and lead to a low level of resentment. Not much you can do other than pay the tab.
The whole first date experience can be fun. Not always but there are chances to be creative. Listen to The Poor Choices Show this week with Chris Bragg to hear more about dating in the big city.
1) Location - Do we go for a group event? Safety in numbers is never a bad idea. Although this can be impersonal it is often the safest play. If things go south there are enough people that can make up for any lapses in conversation. The other day I went this route and had a pretty great time. Bears game, my friends, my bar. I gave myself home field advantage (HFA). HFA is key to everything. Away games are a disaster. Always pick a location you have been to before and that is filled with friendly people that will pretend that they like you.
2) Information - This is like breaking yourself into a a greatest hits album. Only the best stories. Casually mention fun times with friends that make you sound well liked. Avoid phrases such as, lonely, netflix, or the first time I was engaged. Look, if the first date goes well you will have more than ample opportunity to lay out embarrassing stories on future dates. Make it look like you have some kind of ambition beyond finding a bar with $1 well drinks.
3) Payment- Gents should always pay the first time. Even if its a casual thing. Not in order to be a gentleman but to create a culture of indebtedness. This may back fire on you. Six months later you could find yourself paying for everything. This will slowly fester over time and lead to a low level of resentment. Not much you can do other than pay the tab.
The whole first date experience can be fun. Not always but there are chances to be creative. Listen to The Poor Choices Show this week with Chris Bragg to hear more about dating in the big city.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Really
Have you ever been shit on? Just completely shit on? Ever wanted a break? Just once? This is where we find our humble narrator. I was feeling alright. I had made peace with certain things but one thing just fucking broke this camel's back.
When you hit bottom this isn't some kind of alarm that lets you know that you might be out of your depth. It slams you in right in the fucking face. Harder than you knew something could. If this was a movie I would be mouth open on a curb with Ed Norton standing above me.
Alright, so I may not be half as good as I thought. This I can deal with. But when I see some of the people who are, I don't know to shit or go blind. Since I can't see right now I guess I made my choice. What the fuck? Really, just really.
Things never seem to work out in my favor. This is mostly my own doing. I know this. I fuck things up with the kind of reckless abandon that anarchists reserve for trade summits. But in this one instance I feel like I really tried. I played nice. I gave it the old college try. But recent events have decide that may not be enough.
As always I will do my own thing. I will prove myself yet again. But just once I would dig the easy path. I would like things to work out. But it seems that I will always have to do it on my own. If your with me great. If you want to continue doing the same things everyone else has, please continue. But if you want to really do something interesting come with me. If there is a path of least resistance it ain't the one I'm on.
When you hit bottom this isn't some kind of alarm that lets you know that you might be out of your depth. It slams you in right in the fucking face. Harder than you knew something could. If this was a movie I would be mouth open on a curb with Ed Norton standing above me.
Alright, so I may not be half as good as I thought. This I can deal with. But when I see some of the people who are, I don't know to shit or go blind. Since I can't see right now I guess I made my choice. What the fuck? Really, just really.
Things never seem to work out in my favor. This is mostly my own doing. I know this. I fuck things up with the kind of reckless abandon that anarchists reserve for trade summits. But in this one instance I feel like I really tried. I played nice. I gave it the old college try. But recent events have decide that may not be enough.
As always I will do my own thing. I will prove myself yet again. But just once I would dig the easy path. I would like things to work out. But it seems that I will always have to do it on my own. If your with me great. If you want to continue doing the same things everyone else has, please continue. But if you want to really do something interesting come with me. If there is a path of least resistance it ain't the one I'm on.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Sunday, Improvy, Sunday
I go to church every Sunday. My church has a bar. My church is full of fellow believers. My church let's me tell poorly worded dick jokes. For about twelve hours on Sunday I am able to wrench every single ounce of fun out of what used to be a wasted day. Let me back up a minute.
Every Sunday I shake off my hangover and wait for my partner in jokes to show up. At noon Owens, myself, and a guest record a podcast. It's awesome. You can disagree but for me it's the most fun I have had doing anything. We get our friends to come on and talk all sorts of crazy shit about themselves for a little over an hour. The show is online an hour after we record. Please check us out on iTunes. The Poor Choices Show.
From there I try to make rehearsal for my (sadly) soon to be defunct 5B improv team. I wasn't having the best time seven weeks ago. Completely my fault. As a teacher once said "If you can't don't know who the asshole is, it's you". It was me. A few weeks in I decided to have as much fun as I could playing with some amazing people. Lo and behold I did. I love my team. I love watching them play.
After rehearsal it's show time. We go on at seven and we try to entertain for about forty minutes. It's a cluster fuck in the best way possible. Nothing is off limits. We play harder and faster than I ever have. It's been so cool watching each and everyone of us have our "moment". That scene or phrase where we put it all together.
Then I get to watch a whole group of ridiculously talented people give it their all. Again I love these shows. But what I enjoy more is watching people put it together. I have known most of these people for a year and they continue to blow me away with how talented they are. Each and everyone of them has just killed it.
From there it's off to see the best one-two punch in Chicago. Middle Age Comeback and 3033. I have been going to these shows for the last year and there is not better night aroun. Every week MAC will, sing, dance, yell, throw puppets, and remind the entire room how far you can push improv. Two guys create more and play harder than just about every team in town. 3033 is a collection of the smartest improvisers in Chicago. I am always blown away by the discoveries they make throughout the shows. Each of the members of 3033 is unique in what they do. If you are trying to build a team emulate these guys.
The crowd at MAC and 3033 consists of many of best young players in town. It feels like some weird club that meets every Sunday. The excitement that builds as "Undercover of Night" or "Time to Pretend" get louder and louder before the shows is electric. We clap along and cheer the same way every week. It's our ritual. Knowing that Chin is going to play music cuts from "Raiders of the Lost Ark" or "Jai Ho" is half the fun. Waiting for that moment when Rush walks into a scene and lays out the entire show in two sentences is the best. MAC playing the stick up game never fails to destroy.
After twelve hours of comedy I am never tired. I only feel tired on Monday when I am at work. I only feel tired when I think that it's going to be another week till next Sunday.
Every Sunday I shake off my hangover and wait for my partner in jokes to show up. At noon Owens, myself, and a guest record a podcast. It's awesome. You can disagree but for me it's the most fun I have had doing anything. We get our friends to come on and talk all sorts of crazy shit about themselves for a little over an hour. The show is online an hour after we record. Please check us out on iTunes. The Poor Choices Show.
From there I try to make rehearsal for my (sadly) soon to be defunct 5B improv team. I wasn't having the best time seven weeks ago. Completely my fault. As a teacher once said "If you can't don't know who the asshole is, it's you". It was me. A few weeks in I decided to have as much fun as I could playing with some amazing people. Lo and behold I did. I love my team. I love watching them play.
After rehearsal it's show time. We go on at seven and we try to entertain for about forty minutes. It's a cluster fuck in the best way possible. Nothing is off limits. We play harder and faster than I ever have. It's been so cool watching each and everyone of us have our "moment". That scene or phrase where we put it all together.
Then I get to watch a whole group of ridiculously talented people give it their all. Again I love these shows. But what I enjoy more is watching people put it together. I have known most of these people for a year and they continue to blow me away with how talented they are. Each and everyone of them has just killed it.
From there it's off to see the best one-two punch in Chicago. Middle Age Comeback and 3033. I have been going to these shows for the last year and there is not better night aroun. Every week MAC will, sing, dance, yell, throw puppets, and remind the entire room how far you can push improv. Two guys create more and play harder than just about every team in town. 3033 is a collection of the smartest improvisers in Chicago. I am always blown away by the discoveries they make throughout the shows. Each of the members of 3033 is unique in what they do. If you are trying to build a team emulate these guys.
The crowd at MAC and 3033 consists of many of best young players in town. It feels like some weird club that meets every Sunday. The excitement that builds as "Undercover of Night" or "Time to Pretend" get louder and louder before the shows is electric. We clap along and cheer the same way every week. It's our ritual. Knowing that Chin is going to play music cuts from "Raiders of the Lost Ark" or "Jai Ho" is half the fun. Waiting for that moment when Rush walks into a scene and lays out the entire show in two sentences is the best. MAC playing the stick up game never fails to destroy.
After twelve hours of comedy I am never tired. I only feel tired on Monday when I am at work. I only feel tired when I think that it's going to be another week till next Sunday.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
So Tired, Tired of Waiting On You
This will be a two parter. You have been warned. I hate waiting on people. I absolutely without a doubt hate it. But, I hate being homeless. So something had to give. When I moved to Chicago I didn't know a soul and had to get a job waiting tables. I have a college degree and used to help run a pretty large video advertising department but life being what it is I had to get a table waiting gig. It's a bummer but it keeps the lights on.
For those of you not in the service industry let me lay out a few guidelines:
1) Don't do separate checks for more than three people. If you can't do the simple math that it requires to pay your bill don't go out. When twenty-two people ask for separate checks it is going to take awhile and I will always get screwed on the tip. People that do separate checks are almost always douches. How about you buy this meal and your buddy gets you back next time.
2) Know what you want to drink or eat when I ask. If you don't, just say you need five minutes. If I come back and you don't know in five minutes you are a fool. By the looks of things you have been eating your whole life. How hard is it to decide what to eat or drink?
3) Don't ask to sit at another table. There is a reason you are being sat somewhere. Believe it or not there is someones whole job it is to figure out where to seat people in a restaurant. You asking for another table and then changing to yet another table is fucking things up. If you do move understand that it may be awhile for your server to get to you.
4) If your order comes out wrong, please know that it is not done maliciously. You are but one of around thirty people who I am trying to feed/refill drinks/ensure don't flip out. I am as upset as you because most of the time the I told the kitchen, wrote it down for the kitchen, and spoke directly to the chef. Sometimes things slip by. Give me a few minutes and I will get you a new dish and if you are cool about it probably buy you dessert.
5) Ten minutes before closing don't come in. Sorry, I know it says we are open but I have shut down half the restaurant and have plans. I will not give you good service, your food will be rushed out and we will do everything we can to make you leave.
6) Fifteen to thirty minutes after the restaurant is closed, GET OUT. If you haven't closed the deal by dessert that girl/guy you are taking out is not going home with you. You spending thirty bucks does not mean that you have rented out the entire staff for the rest of the evening. I can't buy a dvd at Best Buy and stay an hour after they are closed, THEY ARE CLOSED. The more you see your server walk by the more it means it is time to get out. GET OUT.
7) Tipping is the only reason I am in the game. If you get bad service by all means don't tip. But if I am adequate or even great let me know. Half that tip is taken by the government. A third of what is left is going to the bar staff, bussers, and hosts. So if you give me $15 I get about $5. I eat a lot of shit for $5.
8) If you ask my opinion on the menu, listen to me. I see the same food go out every day over and over again. If I say "It's not my favorite thing on the menu" it means that whatever is catching your eye is revolting. When you ask my opinion on wine please know that I spend most of my evening drinking it just so I can pretend that you are more than a $5 tip.
9) If I forget something or mix something up, it's not because I hate you. I am busy. Let me know in a polite manner and I will return with whatever you need. Again, if you are lucky I may be able to get you dessert. This whole dessert thing is the only power that I have, sorry.
10) If you go out with a friend and they act like a dick to their waiter it's because they are in fact, a dick. This is a huge sign of someones character. If you are decent to me I will tell you what's good that night, maybe get the bartender to poor a little extra in your drink, and maybe, just maybe get you that dessert I keep talking about.
Next up I will discuss why all people in the service industry are out of their minds and you may have a reason to be concerned with you brings out your food.
For those of you not in the service industry let me lay out a few guidelines:
1) Don't do separate checks for more than three people. If you can't do the simple math that it requires to pay your bill don't go out. When twenty-two people ask for separate checks it is going to take awhile and I will always get screwed on the tip. People that do separate checks are almost always douches. How about you buy this meal and your buddy gets you back next time.
2) Know what you want to drink or eat when I ask. If you don't, just say you need five minutes. If I come back and you don't know in five minutes you are a fool. By the looks of things you have been eating your whole life. How hard is it to decide what to eat or drink?
3) Don't ask to sit at another table. There is a reason you are being sat somewhere. Believe it or not there is someones whole job it is to figure out where to seat people in a restaurant. You asking for another table and then changing to yet another table is fucking things up. If you do move understand that it may be awhile for your server to get to you.
4) If your order comes out wrong, please know that it is not done maliciously. You are but one of around thirty people who I am trying to feed/refill drinks/ensure don't flip out. I am as upset as you because most of the time the I told the kitchen, wrote it down for the kitchen, and spoke directly to the chef. Sometimes things slip by. Give me a few minutes and I will get you a new dish and if you are cool about it probably buy you dessert.
5) Ten minutes before closing don't come in. Sorry, I know it says we are open but I have shut down half the restaurant and have plans. I will not give you good service, your food will be rushed out and we will do everything we can to make you leave.
6) Fifteen to thirty minutes after the restaurant is closed, GET OUT. If you haven't closed the deal by dessert that girl/guy you are taking out is not going home with you. You spending thirty bucks does not mean that you have rented out the entire staff for the rest of the evening. I can't buy a dvd at Best Buy and stay an hour after they are closed, THEY ARE CLOSED. The more you see your server walk by the more it means it is time to get out. GET OUT.
7) Tipping is the only reason I am in the game. If you get bad service by all means don't tip. But if I am adequate or even great let me know. Half that tip is taken by the government. A third of what is left is going to the bar staff, bussers, and hosts. So if you give me $15 I get about $5. I eat a lot of shit for $5.
8) If you ask my opinion on the menu, listen to me. I see the same food go out every day over and over again. If I say "It's not my favorite thing on the menu" it means that whatever is catching your eye is revolting. When you ask my opinion on wine please know that I spend most of my evening drinking it just so I can pretend that you are more than a $5 tip.
9) If I forget something or mix something up, it's not because I hate you. I am busy. Let me know in a polite manner and I will return with whatever you need. Again, if you are lucky I may be able to get you dessert. This whole dessert thing is the only power that I have, sorry.
10) If you go out with a friend and they act like a dick to their waiter it's because they are in fact, a dick. This is a huge sign of someones character. If you are decent to me I will tell you what's good that night, maybe get the bartender to poor a little extra in your drink, and maybe, just maybe get you that dessert I keep talking about.
Next up I will discuss why all people in the service industry are out of their minds and you may have a reason to be concerned with you brings out your food.
Monday, September 21, 2009
By With A Little Help From My Friends
Holy God, (whom I don't believe exists) do I have an amazing group of friends. I have a small but loyal following of people all over the world. From Alberta to Western Australia there are people that I think (most of the time) are people that care about me in a significant way. Each one of them has helped me and I hope that at some point I have been able to help them.
For the most part I am a asshole, pure and simple. I'm abrasive, judgmental, and on my best days barely tolerable. For some reason certain people have decided I'm alright. To all of you I tip my hat and want you to know how fucking cool that is. Thanks. Thanks to all of you.
My ship folks made me grow up, showed me the world, and pulled out of the worst days of my life. Nights in Venice, days in Santorini, and endless conversations in the crew bar. We had the best time. Our most dull and boring days would have been the highlights of most peoples lives. We lived a life that no one will ever understand and that we still don't appreciate. Shilick and Darlington are the best roommates that any person could have hoped for. You have seen me at my best and worst. Yet, we always had a good time. October, you taught me how not to be a dumb American. Katich, you and I have been through more together than anyone could imagine. Ship folk, I love and miss you all. Bush Pig, I miss having a big sister who always knew what's best for me. My fellow penguin, you really ought to move to Chicago. Macperhson, you are the nicest person I have ever met.
Chicago, thanks for making me feel at home. Sparta, Brando, Jay and Cathy. You bought the new kid a shot and never let him drink alone. Wolves, you taught me how to perform and took me out on the coldest day of the year. I hope we can get it back together someday. Westhoff, you, me, and Mallort are a dangerous combination. Coach did more for me than a year and a half of classes ever did. I showed up on a rainy day in May and by June I had a life here and more friends than I could have hoped for.
This summer I have more talented, decent, hilarious people than I can believe. Who knew that my cousin is the smartest person I have ever met? Endless parties, Rock Band, You Tube, DCM in NYC, what an amazing four months. Owens, you never say no and always have a better (and more interesting) ideas than I ever do. I hope that we continue to have poor choices for the rest of our days. My sister and brother have turned into the best people I know.
The point of this whole thing is to let all of you know how fucking cool you all are and how much I owe you. This isn't a morose thing. I just wanted to you all to know how great a time I have with all of you. I dream of a day where ever single one of you could get together.
For the most part I am a asshole, pure and simple. I'm abrasive, judgmental, and on my best days barely tolerable. For some reason certain people have decided I'm alright. To all of you I tip my hat and want you to know how fucking cool that is. Thanks. Thanks to all of you.
My ship folks made me grow up, showed me the world, and pulled out of the worst days of my life. Nights in Venice, days in Santorini, and endless conversations in the crew bar. We had the best time. Our most dull and boring days would have been the highlights of most peoples lives. We lived a life that no one will ever understand and that we still don't appreciate. Shilick and Darlington are the best roommates that any person could have hoped for. You have seen me at my best and worst. Yet, we always had a good time. October, you taught me how not to be a dumb American. Katich, you and I have been through more together than anyone could imagine. Ship folk, I love and miss you all. Bush Pig, I miss having a big sister who always knew what's best for me. My fellow penguin, you really ought to move to Chicago. Macperhson, you are the nicest person I have ever met.
Chicago, thanks for making me feel at home. Sparta, Brando, Jay and Cathy. You bought the new kid a shot and never let him drink alone. Wolves, you taught me how to perform and took me out on the coldest day of the year. I hope we can get it back together someday. Westhoff, you, me, and Mallort are a dangerous combination. Coach did more for me than a year and a half of classes ever did. I showed up on a rainy day in May and by June I had a life here and more friends than I could have hoped for.
This summer I have more talented, decent, hilarious people than I can believe. Who knew that my cousin is the smartest person I have ever met? Endless parties, Rock Band, You Tube, DCM in NYC, what an amazing four months. Owens, you never say no and always have a better (and more interesting) ideas than I ever do. I hope that we continue to have poor choices for the rest of our days. My sister and brother have turned into the best people I know.
The point of this whole thing is to let all of you know how fucking cool you all are and how much I owe you. This isn't a morose thing. I just wanted to you all to know how great a time I have with all of you. I dream of a day where ever single one of you could get together.
Friday, September 11, 2009
Good For Awhile
Why do people endeavor to do something? Is it something internal or external? Does the drive come from ourselves? Or are we just trying to impress people? At the base level something has to be intrinsically self satisfying. Just getting through the maze should be enough. More realistically it's outside forces that make us do anything. Get out of the maze, hit the bar, get some food. Thanks Pavlov.
What if you can't get through the maze? In your head you know you are doing everything the scientists told you to do in order to traverse your little paper dungeon. But you keep getting stuck. Or what if you are getting through the maze and jumping up and down on the fucking button and no food is coming out? I have heard some people blame the other mice. I don't think it's their fault at all. We are all trying to get through the maze some of us just approach it differently.
How long does one continue bumping into the same walls before you kindly excuse yourself and get out of the maze? Talking to a lot of friends everyone seems a little burned on the way things are going as of late. How can we define a new maze for ourselves? Or better yet stop running around looking for something that may not even be there.
What if you can't get through the maze? In your head you know you are doing everything the scientists told you to do in order to traverse your little paper dungeon. But you keep getting stuck. Or what if you are getting through the maze and jumping up and down on the fucking button and no food is coming out? I have heard some people blame the other mice. I don't think it's their fault at all. We are all trying to get through the maze some of us just approach it differently.
How long does one continue bumping into the same walls before you kindly excuse yourself and get out of the maze? Talking to a lot of friends everyone seems a little burned on the way things are going as of late. How can we define a new maze for ourselves? Or better yet stop running around looking for something that may not even be there.
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