This will be a two parter. You have been warned. I hate waiting on people. I absolutely without a doubt hate it. But, I hate being homeless. So something had to give. When I moved to Chicago I didn't know a soul and had to get a job waiting tables. I have a college degree and used to help run a pretty large video advertising department but life being what it is I had to get a table waiting gig. It's a bummer but it keeps the lights on.
For those of you not in the service industry let me lay out a few guidelines:
1) Don't do separate checks for more than three people. If you can't do the simple math that it requires to pay your bill don't go out. When twenty-two people ask for separate checks it is going to take awhile and I will always get screwed on the tip. People that do separate checks are almost always douches. How about you buy this meal and your buddy gets you back next time.
2) Know what you want to drink or eat when I ask. If you don't, just say you need five minutes. If I come back and you don't know in five minutes you are a fool. By the looks of things you have been eating your whole life. How hard is it to decide what to eat or drink?
3) Don't ask to sit at another table. There is a reason you are being sat somewhere. Believe it or not there is someones whole job it is to figure out where to seat people in a restaurant. You asking for another table and then changing to yet another table is fucking things up. If you do move understand that it may be awhile for your server to get to you.
4) If your order comes out wrong, please know that it is not done maliciously. You are but one of around thirty people who I am trying to feed/refill drinks/ensure don't flip out. I am as upset as you because most of the time the I told the kitchen, wrote it down for the kitchen, and spoke directly to the chef. Sometimes things slip by. Give me a few minutes and I will get you a new dish and if you are cool about it probably buy you dessert.
5) Ten minutes before closing don't come in. Sorry, I know it says we are open but I have shut down half the restaurant and have plans. I will not give you good service, your food will be rushed out and we will do everything we can to make you leave.
6) Fifteen to thirty minutes after the restaurant is closed, GET OUT. If you haven't closed the deal by dessert that girl/guy you are taking out is not going home with you. You spending thirty bucks does not mean that you have rented out the entire staff for the rest of the evening. I can't buy a dvd at Best Buy and stay an hour after they are closed, THEY ARE CLOSED. The more you see your server walk by the more it means it is time to get out. GET OUT.
7) Tipping is the only reason I am in the game. If you get bad service by all means don't tip. But if I am adequate or even great let me know. Half that tip is taken by the government. A third of what is left is going to the bar staff, bussers, and hosts. So if you give me $15 I get about $5. I eat a lot of shit for $5.
8) If you ask my opinion on the menu, listen to me. I see the same food go out every day over and over again. If I say "It's not my favorite thing on the menu" it means that whatever is catching your eye is revolting. When you ask my opinion on wine please know that I spend most of my evening drinking it just so I can pretend that you are more than a $5 tip.
9) If I forget something or mix something up, it's not because I hate you. I am busy. Let me know in a polite manner and I will return with whatever you need. Again, if you are lucky I may be able to get you dessert. This whole dessert thing is the only power that I have, sorry.
10) If you go out with a friend and they act like a dick to their waiter it's because they are in fact, a dick. This is a huge sign of someones character. If you are decent to me I will tell you what's good that night, maybe get the bartender to poor a little extra in your drink, and maybe, just maybe get you that dessert I keep talking about.
Next up I will discuss why all people in the service industry are out of their minds and you may have a reason to be concerned with you brings out your food.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Anyone who has ever worked in food service completely agrees with you.
ReplyDeleteFor the record, most servers are nice and competent people who just want to give you good service in return for a good tip. It seems like a lot of people walk in to a restaurant and expect the server to stink and thus treat the guy like crap. Damn.